Girls Und Panzer 03: Ueda Kana Gave Me Nerdgasm

20 Nov

Okay Scumbag brain, stop telling me to go on focusing and writing other random stuff and just go straight to the point so I can make this short, finish this entry quickly, and continue watching the following episode… After I finished staring at this pic.

Continuing from the previous episode, after an attempt of escape from getting gangboomed by the others, the girls (the main heroines team, I mean) was about to run over hypersomnic Mako who was dozing off in the middle of their track…. and it turned out to be a series of Bull-scenes afterwards.

“I shouldn’t have fall asleep right before I finished reading the “How To Land Like A Boss” chapter..”

I was expecting for something dramatic but then, somehow, Mako got up with the book still on her face and she instantly jump towards and safely landed on the tank like a ninja.. 2 points for Mako for doing something cool, no points for the writers for killing all the suspense after unofficially revealing that Mako has problems in waking up in the morning but somehow can enter absurd-superhuman mode when she’s in danger. Seriously, what book was she reading that time anyway? Parkour For Dummies?

Wrong, you got the order the other way ar..? Idiot me! That’s not a sexual innuendo joke.

They then brought her into the tank and after a brief introduction, it turns out that Saori is sorta related and know her pretty well (Yuri pairing fanarts where!?). The attacks from the other teams on the other hand went on so they have to continue running away until they reached a suspension bridge.

Despite knowing that it’s too hazardous to cross, Miho ordered them to keep on going at the same time jumped out of the tank to guide their path. Things didn’t go that well when the cable on one of the side of the bridge snapped, drastically increasing the risk of them falling down the cliff.

Oh yeah! The chloroform missile does its work perfectly!

The two teams (the patriots and the volley-chicks) caught them from behind and shot the left side of their tank which somehow safely pushed it a little away from the edge, although the impact also knocked Hana unconscious. With the driver totally out of order, Mako jumped into the driver seat and start operating the tank while reading the tank manual like a cooking book.

And here’s where stuff started to change from cool (for Mako, at least), to senseless to just plain stupid. No, nothing wrong with Mako learning how to drive a tank in just a few seconds, it’s just a showcast of her ability as a quick learning genius. Plus the other girls from the other teams seemed to do the same thing pretty fine as well.


“First I need to kill that Mary Sue or else she’s going to snatch my job in this same episode..”

Oh, did I forget to mention that on the other side of the bridge, the other two teams (Anzu’s and the 6 lolis) were approaching to attack them as well? Yes, they did, which somehow raise one obvious question; why on earth were the whole opposing teams are aiming Miho and her friends?  Were the other girls heterophobic lesbians who don’t like the idea of Saori being straight? Do they look like the most vulnerable team of the battle?


“You mean this show is starting to descend itself into the Curse of Episode 3..? Oo NO!”

No! In fact, that would be the one with 6 lolis, sure they have the biggest tank and largest number of teammates but NONE of them have any knowledge about tanks let alone the art of Senshado. Not to mention, the amount of clueless members will most likely just cause them to get stuck in disorganization. My only guess is they’re aiming for Miho due to her family background in the sport, yet it wasn’t even build up to lead a scene where every girl’s teaming up to beat her. Still not as depressing as the finale of Another, though.



After Mako took over and became the temporary driver. Instead of surrendering or running away, Miho ordered Yukari to turn the turret around, aimed at the patriots’ tank, BOOM!, and a white flag (activated by mechanism) pops out of the tank indicating the team has been defeated. She then proceeded to take down the volleyball girls followed by the trio. The 6 lolis team got scared, attempted to escape but got automatically eliminated after accidentally breaking their threads.

See here, how the heck was Miho ALL OF SUDDEN able to shoot down three opponents straight in a row with three perfect shots? None of her action that time indicated that she actually figured out a strategy nor even realized that they were in perfect offensive position to go upperhand, in fact they were still sitting on  an unstable suspension bridge completely surrounded by opponents (who for certain reason refused to shoot or keep on missing) ffs! I dunno, maybe she gained a new power after forging a Social Link with Mako or something…?


If one shot can cause people inside toppling over like that, I don’t want to imagine how it’ll look like if they got shot straight while being outside the tank.

What’s with the so-called “safety measures” this game is practicing? From the way how bits of trees and dirt burst around after getting shot, I think I stand corrected that the ammo used are still that dangerous and I will need to start worrying about seeing traumatizing images of parts and bits of these cute girls bodies or limbs flying in the air in the future. And yea, attempting to shoot down a tank on a totally dangerous position, risking it to fall down and killing 4 four girls inside instantly.. Wow. At this point, I’d just say that equipping them liquid nitrogen missiles and let them settle with the one who got frozen first loose make more sense.


Sorry, I’m going to call you by that name from now on instead of Kawashima.

God, I swear the volleyball team shot and successfully hit the heroines’ tank for at least two times, one being that shot on the bridge. Hell! You can even see it got dented and the shell seemed to be still stuck on it! But wow! I don’t see any white flag raised from their tanks! Then Miho counterattacked and every opponents’ tanks reacted the other way around. One hit and they’re instantly eliminated, complete with the girls inside the tank being all dirty and messed up. I don’t get it, were the mechanics biased that they loaded one-hit-KO ammo supplies into the heroines’ tank and then pulled out the white flag mechanism so they won’t get defeated?

Stop giving me spontaneous sexual innuendos, Scumbag Brain!

*Takes deep breath. Ah well, out of those dumb stuff happening in one brief battle scene, at least I can say that I really had fun watching Momo-chan going a little nuts and screaming like a spoiled brat…. So yea, don’t worry, Oono. Thankfully, the next half part of the episode makes up the 10-15 minutes of dumbness imho. : )

Nothing can go wrong with Mako in here dere-dere moments.

The heroines then celebrated their victory by having a compulsory nakey bath time where we get to enjoy more adorable moments of Mako, who was still on the fence whether to join in the club and their team or stays in the calligraphy club she just signed in.

For the last time, perverted Scumbag Brain. For the last time….

Right after that, Saori took the whole team shopping for “accessories” for their tank, as well as making a suggestion to paint it. Yukari was strongly against this since it takes away the feel and military elements a regular tank possess that she loves so much…

Guess which tank model kit I’d buy first, and the one I’m going to get last or not even getting..

…but then, her frustration deepened as she witnessed the other teams have already pimped their tanks with gorgeous paintjob and decorations the next day.

Toot Too Roo Too Roo~ My voice is sexy! I repeat, my voice is DAMN SEXY!

The following series of scenes of the girls training were one of my favourite highlights of this episode, mainly because I got to listen to  Ueda Kana (as Momo-chan) screaming, giving orders and acted as the big sis of the girls in her Tohsaka Rin voice. It really reminds me of the meganekkos she played before like Honami from Rental Magica, Konori Mii from Railgun, and Kinon from Gurren Lagann. To say it simple, I always find her voiceworks that sexy everytime she carries those kind of roles.

People in gold chrome tanks should never lecture about camouflage or hiding tips.. and making old people mistook you as a glowing God.

The training session ended with almost everyone exhausted, only to get more (mentally) when Momo-chan announced that they will have a tournament against St. Gloria Girls Academy’s team of Senshadoka.

Depicting European stereotype in a cute (instead of annoying) way? Leave that to Japan.

Mako learned that she would need to wake up early in the morning and getting less time to sleep so she decided to leave the club, but somehow got stopped by Saori who warned about how she will repeat another year, eventually getting stuck as a junior and having to fight the awkwardness of calling Saori her senior. Seriously, I already like Saori as a character and having a newly introduced character who’s I’m already digging now keeping a certain subtle relationship with each other just made it lovelier.

Don’t listen to her, Mako! I slept during lectures, was hardly active in my club activities, often failed to submit assignments on time, yet I still manage to get and keep a job now despite not having any certificate and failing to attend my convocation ceremony. Oh wait…

The captains of each team later on had a meeting to discuss their plan and strategy for their upcoming battle against St. Gloria. Miho, being a typical main heroine, called out that there’s a flaw on Momo-chan’s plan on using one team as a decoy as an opening for a back attack. Everyone in the room (except for Momo-chan, again, more points for Ueda Kana) agreed.

“Did you know that the Oppa Gangnam Style horse dance is total shit compared to that one legendary dance move?”

“Let me give you a hint. It looks something like this..”

Anzu, being one of those nodding to Miho’s opinion, somehow thought of an idea of making Miho as the commander of their teams, probably after seeing how she could MAGICALLY shot and beat down their tanks in their first battle. Obviously, this is just a set-up for her to go face-to-face against her sister in later episodes. God, why is this starting to remind me of Saki…?

That’s right, Mary Sue heroine. Be quiet and let Momo-chan continue her speech in her uber sexy voice.

I gotta give Anzu some credits and more love for showing her good side and faith on Miho as their leader. Out of the three, she is indeed the coolest and quite mature among her team. Oh, and finally I get to know what is that snack she’s always munching. Yes, they even have a big picture of it hanging in the meeting room.

“..And then you’ll get an entry in and become infamous in 9gag for 2 weeks.”

Anzu however, warned Mio that there would be stuff waiting for them as a result of getting defeated or being the one grabbing the victory flag. Unlimited supplies of dried sweet potato for the latter and as for the former, the losers will need to perform the Ankou Dance; an infamous act that’s considered as a total nightmare among the girls in Oarai.

*Waits for interesting Photoshop edits..*

The day has came and as expected, Mako was as enthusiastic and motivated as an adult on a hangover trying to wake up in the morning, on Monday. Her friends however did something unusual to fetch her straight from her house directly to the coast of the land. They then were greeted (with surprise) by the ship of St. Gloria, which was more than twice the size of theirs.

The players of both Oarai High and St. Gloria assembled and met up in the battle field. The leader of St. Gloria; Super Sexy Commando Darjeeling snickered and mocked Momo-chan as she saw how “unique” their tanks were. Glad to see that Momo-chan still retained her role as the leader of her school despite already acknowledging Miho as their commander.

Just randomly stating out how I love the selection of judges for this match and those white pantyhose as their dresscode…

The battle begun and clearly, this is where the intro of episode 1 took place.

You know that Anzu is just that awesome for being the only one who gets redrawn instead of getting caps from episode 1 reused.

Overall, despite how I hated the first part of the episode on how it reminds me how I dislike absurdly overpowered main hero/ines, not to mention how senseless that scene went just to present Miho’s superiority, I still find myself enjoying the rest part of the episode a lot. Mako is just too damn adorable as a passive character, I really like how she takes simple matters such as sleeping and waking up early in the morning as serious crisis to her life, and Iguchi Yuka really did a great and fresh job voicing as her. I also love how this episode presented the other sides of Momo-chan; they really gave her some nice and more exposure to her character instead of just being the strict and quiet secretary girl. Ah yea, and Anzu keeps on getting cuter and more adorable as the series goes on.

And here, my comrades, a shot of Oryou quarter-squatting is the only moment she gets to say something in this episode..

Oh, if there’s another thing I’d like to complain aside the silly battle in the beginning, it should be the lack of Oryou : < And damn, went a little too long on this one too thanks to the rant.

Quote of The Day:

Mako’s realistic understanding on how human biological clock works.

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Posted by on November 20, 2012 in Anime


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